Forums RPGMP3 Podcast Audio Actual Play Recordings RPGMP3 Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay Warhammer: The Thousand Thrones Session 01

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  • #557845
    Hal
    Admin
    • Posts : 7755
    • Treant

    File Name: Warhammer: The Thousand Thrones Session 01

    File Submitter: Hal

    File Submitted: 02 Jan 2012

    File Category: Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay

    Genre: Fantasy

    Profanity Level: Jolly Sweary Indeed

    The Dirty Half-Dozen are recruited from a life of breaking rocks to investigate a miracle

    https://www.rpgmp3.com/files/game_recordings/RPGMP3/warhammer/warhammer_ttt_part_01.mp3

    Click here to download this file

    #637362
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Featuring:

    Chris as Durak Ironhead – Dwarf Tomb Robber
    David as Leopold Aeon Calcos – Human Charcoal Burner
    Goggles AKA John as Oskar Hearthember – Halfling Hunter
    James as Conrad Steignwult – Human Toll Keeper
    Lindsay as Girl – Halfling Servant
    Ned as Ulrich Steignwult – Human Thug
    Hal as the GM

     

    Character portraits by the talented BigJackBrass:

    Chris as Durak Ironhead
    durak.jpg

    David as Leopold Aeon Calcos
    leopold.jpg

    Goggles AKA John as Oskar Hearthember
    oskar.jpg

    Lindsay as Girl
    girl.jpg

    Alternative:

    Lindsay as Girl
    girl_2.jpg

    James and Ned as The Steignwult Brothers
    steinwult.jpg

     

    #637363
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    A lively debate on fast food:

    James: “It was a fuckin’ dog in-“
    Chris: “Hey, it all depends on the sauce.”
    James: “In Chihuahua, Mexico, last week, and now you’re fuckin’ eatin’ it! And you’re thinkin’: ‘Yum!'”
    Hal: “I used to live in Bradford, I’ve eaten more dog and rat than you could possibly know.”
    Lindsay: “It’s the curry capital.”
    Chris: “Yes, but then you met Lindsay – on we go!”

     

    Of course, the furry community might have a different opinion on whether rat girls and dog women are considered attractive. 😉

    #637364
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    During a monologue on crime and punishment in the Old World:

    Hal: “Rather than being killed, which is quite common, or having something chopped off, which is common, or being put in the stocks and having crap thrown at you…”

    *Chris giggles*

    Hal: “…Or spilling a load of sunflower seeds down your top.”

    David: “I’ll get it! My mouth is like a vacuum, come here.”

    James: “For those of you listening at home, Lindsay has lost food in her cleavage.”

    Hal: “And not for the first time… David, sit down!”

    James: “David, I told you, we’ll take you to a titty bar.”

    Hal: “Gentlemen, I’m going in!”

    David: “If he’s not back in an hour, I want to know what’s so interesting!”

    Hal: “If I’m not back in an hour, chuck in a snorkel.”

     

    #637365
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Hal: “I’ve got a picture somewhere of Lindsay wearing a corset, with an entire set of cutlery down her cleavage – including the table mat!”

    *Mass giggling*

    James: “What else was going on?”

    Hal: “Nuffin’, it was in the pub!”

    Lindsay: “Didn’t one of them thank you for getting me a gift that everybody could enjoy?”

     

    #637366
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Hal: “The quarry is essentially ungetoutofable, ’cause they’re going do-“
    James: “Ungetoutofable?! Is that the Queen’s English?”
    Hal: “Yes, the Queen invented that word just yesterday. She sent me an email, saying: “Hal, we need it out on the internet” and I said: “Alright Liz, no worries.””
    James: “Well, they gave Ted Kennedy a knighthood, so they’ll knight any old asshole.”
    Hal: “Yup, bring it on, I’m waiting for it – services in podcasting, anyone?”

     

     

    Hal: “I’m just waiting for some bastard to log on as Liz-the-2nd.”

     

    #637367
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Chris’ regales the listeners with his Dwarf Tomb Robber’s background story – culminating in his arrest:

    Hal: “Where did they find you?”

    Chris: “Oddly enough… You see that little house, with the red lantern?”

    Hal: “You popped in for directions?” 😉

    Hal: “So you tried to lock your wife in a tomb…”

    Chris: “I didn’t try, I succeeded!”

     

    #637368
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    James and Ned’s characters show such deep fraternal love for one another, it’s positively heart-warming:

    James: “If I hadn’t promised my dying mother on her death bed, I would’ve already killed Ulrich, you sunovabitch – but she made me swear not to kill ‘im… Doesn’t mean I can’t put a few lumps on his stupid skull.”

    Ned: “Go ahead and try it.”

    James: “Oh, whatever, mister thug man.”

    Ned: “Mama’s boy!”

    James: “Spend the rest of your life breaking rocks here in the tumbledowns, you worthless fuck!”

     

    #637369
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    James: “We are not chained to one another, ’cause they realize one of us would soon be dead.”

    Hal: “So you’re not chained together?”

    James: “Well, after I put the pick through his foot on the first day…”

     

    #637370
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Hal: “You left your dwarven hold to… not break rocks for the rest of your life, and ended up, ironically, breaking rocks for the rest of your life.”

    Chris: “Still trying to figure out what went wrong.”

    Hal: “Yeah, it’s just destiny – fate, perhaps.”

    Lindsay: “Instead of making a clean getaway, you stopped at a brothel.”

    Hal: “Bet it was the donkey that gave you away.”

    Chris: “The damn wife! Should’ve gone to a different brothel, she knows that one.”

     

    #637371
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Hal: “A bit of bread bonks off your head.”

    James: “That the best you can do?”

    David: “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

    Ned: “You wanna see the best I can do?” *Slams limb on table*

    Hal: “Ned, do I gotta shoot you?”

    *Ned continues to flash the quarry*

    Hal (as NPC Guard): “Son, put your cock away, you stink enough.”

    Lindsay: “Ewww!”

    David: “It’s like a worm!”

    Ned: “The worm from Dune!

     

    #637372
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    When the PCs get sentenced to pick rocks in the quarry, one of them turns out to have an advantage:

    Hal: “Are you saying you’ve got a huge nose, Goggles? Goggles pulls out an entire necromantic army from his nose.”

    Goggles: “Nah, just put a metal tip on the end and I can pick with that.”

    David: “He’s like a woodpecker!”

     

    #637373
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Linds: “Can I have a taste? What kind is it?”

    Hal: “It is a pork-and-beef sausage, you think.”

    Linds: “I’ll take twelve – what are you lot ordering?”

     

    #637374
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Visiting the Leaky Skiff tavern, a wretched hive of scum and piracy:

    Hal: “Tastes like shit, it’s really cheap ale.”

    Chris: “Do you know where I’ve been the last five fuckin’ months?”

    Hal: “Yeah, it tastes brilliant – it’s the best ale you’ve ever drunk.”

    David: “What is that thing floating in there? Oh, it’s a frickin’ hair! Eugh!”

    Hal: “How did you live in the fuckin’ woods?!”

    David: “Didn’t drink THAT crap!”

    Chris: “he’s used to natural, clean water.”

    Hal: “Yeah, suckled from the teat of deer, and shit.”

    David: “Hell, yeah! Bambi was my cousin.”

     

    #637375
    Pencil-Monkey
    • Posts : 5728
    • Mind Flayer

    Lindsay isn’t in the mood for gaming, tonight:

    Hal: “She’s achey from the gym – she was worked hard by her personal trainer.”

    Ned: “Jim!” 🙂

     

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